New book has another all-time Jerryism

Getty Images

When Cowboys owner Jerry Jones made it to the Hall of Fame last year, the celebration included a surprisingly self-aware smattering of references to the nutty things he has said over the years.

The best? In 2012, Jones explained at training camp that “I’ve been here when it was gloryhole days, and I’ve been here when it wasn’t. And so having said that, I want me some gloryhole.”

(The best actually got better; Cowboys spokesman Rich Dalrymple tried to save Jones by pointing out that “gloryhole is a commonly used expression in the oil and gas exploration business,” and Jones interrupted by saying, “That’s news to me.”)

As Jones continues his quest for the kind of gloryhole to which he was referring (I think), he has offered up another all-time quote. This one happened not publicly but within the confines of his party bus, during a visit with Big Game author Mark Leibovich, whose bloodstream eventually was polluted with excessive amounts of Johnnie Walker Blue but whose recording device remained sober as a league-appointed arbitrator.

In the same conversation during which Jones applied specificity to the “shocking” price he’d pay for a Super Bowl win ($250 million, which further underscores the wisdom of a hard salary cap), Jones talked about his love of business, of selling. He once sold shoes in his youth. And he really, really liked the job.

Leibovich emerged from his Walker Blue Persuasion long enough to notice that Jones had mentioned “spending the afternoon masturbating over selling shoes.” Leibovich sought clarification.

“I’ve sold shoes, and I’ve masturbated in my shoes,” Jones said.

Jones went on to explain that sales isn’t about the product but about having fun while selling the product. (Apparently, a whole lot of fun.)

And Dalrymple, who was present for the exchange, did not even try to explain that “masturbated in my shoes” is a commonly used expression in the oil and gas exploration business.

34 responses to “New book has another all-time Jerryism

  1. There should not be a salary cap. Seriously. Spend 250 million, spend more, sign whoever at whatever amount of money you can. Let the “Haves” do their thing as you know it would be entertaining with this guy leading the bunch. The “Have Nots” can still compete and try and knock off the mighty.

  2. Maybe they can change some more rules to incorporate some of this into NFL games (the Neverending Fun League) or make the being at the games a bit more enjoyable. What was the saying…Calgon take me away

  3. Thats your GM and Head Coach Dallas.

    If theres not multiple signs with shoes and witty one liners on them in Philly NY and DC when they play Dallas, then I have officially lost faith that the NFC East will ever regain its position as the most important division in sports.

  4. I don’t really care what Jerry does in his spare time as long as no one is harmed but I really, really don’t want to know either. So now, along with being a self-centered, meddling fool owner of the Dallas Cowboys, I’ll always have that creepy image of him and his shoes burned into my mind. Ugh. Come on, Father Time, do us a favor and hurry things up for this demented old fool.

  5. “Creepy guy?” Most of yall know nothing about the south. There are all kinds of weird sayings, going back generations. They are neither meant to be taken literally, or meant as vile. They are funny PRECISELY because they sound dirty. Get over it children. That being said, I only know of one reference to “gloryhole’s” meaning and I have NEVER heard the selling one about shoes. Jerry is excitable and old, give him a break. He is a man driven by passion, not greed. If you have seen both up close, the difference is very apparent.

  6. How is it that Jerry Jones has never employed Rex Ryan? They are both overbearing loudmouths and plus, they both have a “foot” thing goin on…

  7. Jones NEVER belonged in the Pro Football HOF. I believe there must’ve been some record-setting bribes to the electors that was involved in that sham.

    However I would have no objection whatsoever to Jerry Jones going into the comedy HOF. Jerry has the rare gift of constantly making people laugh without ever intentionally trying to be funny.

  8. Mathew Keen says:
    August 29, 2018 at 1:08 pm
    Thats your GM and Head Coach Dallas.
    ——–
    You forgot owner, team Dr., and director of communications.

  9. Thinking back to the stories of Dez, Vaseline, and a Walmart parking lot then reading this story – maybe Dez and Jerrah have more in common that we would have once thought.

  10. Personally, I don’t hate Jerrah at all, I put him in the same category as Jim Irsay – meaning anytime there is a PFT story quoting something one of them did or said the ensuing comments will be the best read of the day.

  11. Oddly enough, one of my coworkers was over the moon yesterday because he saw Jerrah out and about and got to shake his hand. You can’t make this stuff up.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Not a member? Register now!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.