When Cowboys owner Jerry Jones made it to the Hall of Fame last year, the celebration included a surprisingly self-aware smattering of references to the nutty things he has said over the years.
The best? In 2012, Jones explained at training camp that “I’ve been here when it was gloryhole days, and I’ve been here when it wasn’t. And so having said that, I want me some gloryhole.”
(The best actually got better; Cowboys spokesman Rich Dalrymple tried to save Jones by pointing out that “gloryhole is a commonly used expression in the oil and gas exploration business,” and Jones interrupted by saying, “That’s news to me.”)
As Jones continues his quest for the kind of gloryhole to which he was referring (I think), he has offered up another all-time quote. This one happened not publicly but within the confines of his party bus, during a visit with Big Game author Mark Leibovich, whose bloodstream eventually was polluted with excessive amounts of Johnnie Walker Blue but whose recording device remained sober as a league-appointed arbitrator.
In the same conversation during which Jones applied specificity to the “shocking” price he’d pay for a Super Bowl win ($250 million, which further underscores the wisdom of a hard salary cap), Jones talked about his love of business, of selling. He once sold shoes in his youth. And he really, really liked the job.
Leibovich emerged from his Walker Blue Persuasion long enough to notice that Jones had mentioned “spending the afternoon masturbating over selling shoes.” Leibovich sought clarification.
“I’ve sold shoes, and I’ve masturbated in my shoes,” Jones said.
Jones went on to explain that sales isn’t about the product but about having fun while selling the product. (Apparently, a whole lot of fun.)
And Dalrymple, who was present for the exchange, did not even try to explain that “masturbated in my shoes” is a commonly used expression in the oil and gas exploration business.