1. Patriots (1-0; last week No. 1): It’s already feeling like 2007 all over again.
3. Eagles (1-0; No. 3): DeSean Jackson‘s return underscores just how stupid it was to get rid of him.
4. Cowboys (1-0; No. 4): Dak Prescott, Franchise Quarterback.
5. Rams (1-0; No. 7): It wasn’t pretty, but a win in Carolina is still a pretty big deal.
6. Seahawks (1-0; No. 6): We’ll give them the benefit of the doubt for now, but a one-point win over the Bengals at home in September doesn’t suggest that they’ll be heading to Miami in February.
7. Saints (1-0; No. 8): It’s been a long time since they’ve been 1-0.
8. Vikings (1-0; No. 11): The Vikings finally figured out how to best use Kirk Cousins. As little as possible.
9. Packers (1-0; No. 16): The “audible thing” provided good cover for the fact that the defense appears to be significantly improved.
10. Chargers (1-0; No. 10): Another close game, another win for the Chargers.
11. Ravens (1-0; No. 13): Save some of those points for when you play the actual NFL teams, Ravens.
12. Titans (1-0; No. 19): Consistency will be the key to consistently staying in the top half of the league.
13. Bears (0-1; No. 5): That “Be You” message on the play sheet needs to be changed to “Be Someone Who Can Score More Than Three Points.”
14. Steelers (0-1; No. 9): Addition by subtraction is still subtraction.
15. Colts (0-1; No. 14): Maybe Adam Vinatieri should have retired, too.
16. Browns (0-1; No. 12): 18 penalties doesn’t mean that the Browns lack discipline; it takes discipline to violate the rules that many times.
18. Bills (1-0; No. 20): Bills fans should be contributing to Kaare Vedvick’s foundation.
19. Panthers (0-1; No. 17): Even team with a healthy Cam Newton can’t overcome self-inflicted injuries.
20. 49ers (1-0; No. 22): As long as they play a quarterback who throws more pick sixes than Jimmy Garoppolo, they’ll be fine.
21. Texans (0-1; No. 21): Unless the blocking improves, Deshaun Watson may want to start having his mail delivered to the sideline medical tent.
22. Raiders (1-0; No. 28): They should cut a key player every Saturday.
23. Bengals (0-1; No. 29): Andy Dalton went a long way toward ensuring that his run of underachievement in Cincinnati will continue beyond 2019.
24. Falcons (0-1; No. 18): $66 million doesn’t buy what it used to.
25. Broncos (0-1; No. 23): They’d better hope the Raiders have the best offensive line they’ll face this year.
26. Jets (0-1; No. 24): If they don’t make the playoffs, they won’t have to look far to figure out why.
27. Lions (0-0-1; No. 25): They say a tie is like kissing your sister. For the Lions, that tie was like getting your ass kicked by your little brother whose feet still dangle when he’s sitting on the toilet.
28. Cardinals (0-0-1; No. 31): If someone had told Tramaine Brock not to try to catch a pass with his face, they’d be 1-0.
29. Buccaneers (0-1; No. 26): Eight months of 0-0 is always better than when the games actually start.
30. Washington (0-1; No. 27): When up 17-0, it’s great to have a guy like Hall of Famer Adrian Peterson to churn the clock oh wait.
31. Giants (0-1; No. 30): Unless and until the offense runs through Saquon Barkley, the Giants won’t be winning many games.
32. Dolphins (0-1; No. 32): They wouldn’t lose to Clemson. But at least they’d try.