1. Patriots (8-0; last week No. 1): Tommy vs. Jimmy G. is the Super Bowl matchup America needs.
2. 49ers (7-0; No. 2): How can the best offense in the NFL get even better? Give Nick Bosa some reps at tight end.
3. Saints (7-1; No. 3): The perfect way to celebrate the 10-year anniversary of a Super Bowl win in Miami would be to win the Super Bowl in Miami.
4. Packers (7-1; No. 4): Tom Brady is a master surgeon who plans out every procedure in meticulous detail. Aaron Rodgers says, “Let’s cut this bastard open and see what we’ve got.” They both get the same results.
5. Ravens (5-2; No. 5): The Ravens can go from playoff contender to Super Bowl contender on Sunday night.
6. Seahawks (6-2; No. 7): Even with a Week 10 Monday night showdown against the 49ers looming, they can’t afford to peek past a Week Nine return engagement with Bruce Arians.
7. Vikings (6-2; No. 8): The difference between a special season and a wild-card scramble hinges on the next two games.
8. Bills (5-2; No. 6): The five seed is still better than no seed.
9. Colts (5-2; No. 11): They’re good enough to beat any good team. But they’re not good enough to not lose to any bad team.
10. Rams (5-3; No. 12): They’ll need to play better than they did against the Bengals in London if they hope to beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh.
11. Chiefs (5-3; No. 9): Lose to the Vikings, and the Chiefs may be saying farewell to a bye.
13. Cowboys (4-3; No. 13): They return to the scene of a loss to a bad New York team, hopeful to not lose to a bad New York team.
14. Eagles (4-4; No. 15): If the Eagles would play as well as they do with their backs against the wall when their backs aren’t against the wall, their backs would never be against the wall.
15. Panthers (4-3; No. 10): The team the Panthers lost to on Sunday at Levi’s Stadium is even better than the team that beat the Panthers in the Super Bowl played there.
16. Jaguars (4-4; No. 17): Nick Foles may soon be back to being a highly competent backup quarterback.
17. Steelers (3-4; No. 18): The Steelers are 3-1 in night games, 0-4 in day games. With only one night game left on the docket, they’ll need to boost that ratio.
18. Lions (3-3-1; No. 19): The Lions could still cobble together a playoff run.
19. Titans (4-4; No. 20): The consistently inconsistent Titans are slowly becoming more consistent.
20. Raiders (3-4; No. 16): Just when it looks like they’re in, they pull them back out.
21. Chargers (3-5; No. 27): “Hey, guys! Let’s go out and celebrate our big win! . . . Right after I fire the offensive coordinator.”
22. Browns (2-5; No. 21): By the time the schedule softens, the season may as a practical matter be over.
23. Bears (3-4; No. 22): The worst thing that could have happened to Matt Nagy was winning 12 games last year.
24. Cardinals (3-4-1; No. 23): The reward for giving the Saints a closer game than the final score suggests is a short-week showdown against a team that is capable of blowing the Cardinals out of their own stadium.
25. Broncos (2-6; No. 24): The Joe Flacco era is over. There was one?
26. Buccaneers (2-5; No. 26): If Bruce Arians didn’t already drink, this season would definitely drive him to.
27. Giants (2-6; No. 28): This season is making Giants fans nostalgic for oversized suits and Brylcreem.
28. Jets (1-6; No. 25): Like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense, the Jets’ season has been dead all along.
29. Falcons (1-7; No. 29): Maybe making Dan Quinn finish the season is more of a punishment than firing him would be.
30. Washington (1-7; No. 31): The sooner they give Dwayne Haskins live reps, the sooner he’ll reach his ceiling — whatever it may be.
31. Bengals (0-8; No. 30): Maybe they should have kept Marvin Lewis.
32. Dolphins (0-7; No. 32): The best tank job is the tank job that doesn’t always look like a tank job.