1. Chiefs (previously No. 1; 1-0): The Texans looked like they were playing their first preseason game, and the Chiefs looked like they were playing their first regular-season game.
2. Ravens (No. 3; 1-0): Unless the Browns are really, really bad (which is entirely possible), the Ravens may once again be really, really good.
3. Patriots (No. 4; 1-0): If (and it may be a big if) they can keep Cam Newton healthy, New England could be the wrench in this year’s presumed Chiefs-Ravens AFC Championship.
4. Seahawks (No. 8; 1-0): Russ cooked up something not so tasty for the Dirty Birds.
5. Saints (No. 5; 1-0): They got the win, but there are reasons for the Saints to be concerned that there will be struggles this year — starting with a Michael Thomas high ankle sprain.
6. 49ers (No. 2; 0-1): The first game of what likely will be Jimmy Garoppolo‘s last year as the 49ers quarterback did nothing to change the likelihood that it’s Jimmy Garoppolo’s last year as the 49ers quarterback.
7. Bills (No. 9; 1-0): Josh Allen still needs to iron out some kinks from his game, but the Bills already are looking like a playoff team.
8. Titans (No. 8; 1-0): They had the Broncos on the ropes, and the Titans almost punched themselves through.
9. Packers (No. 14; 1-0): If the Packers drafted Jordan Love to motivate Aaron Rodgers, mission accomplished.
10. Buccaneers (No. 6; 0-1): The GOAT was a different kind of goat on Sunday.
11. Steelers (No. 11; 1-0): Their game was much closer than it should have been, which makes it hard based on that one game to get a feel for how good this team is.
12. Cardinals (No. 20; 1-0): At least no one will look stupid for passing on Kyler Murray (unlike Patrick Mahomes and Lamar Jackson).
13. Rams (No. 23; 1-0): Sean McVay got in trouble for not wearing a mask during the game. Given the way his team secured a win over Dallas, he probably should have worn a ski mask.
14. Cowboys (No. 12; 0-1): Jason Garrett thinks Mike McCarthy made some questionable coaching decisions on Sunday.
15. Eagles (No. 10; 0-1): Before they can once again climb out of a hole, they first have to dig one. Congrats?
16. Broncos (No. 15; 0-1): Unfortunately for Vic Fangio, unused time outs have a cash value even lower than Schrutebucks.
17. Texans (No. 17; 0-1): They got the shortest possible straw to start their season, and they did the best they could with it.
18. Chargers (No. 21; 1-0): The 2020 Chargers need to win close games, like the 2018 Chargers did. So far, so good.
19. Falcons (No. 19; 0-1): Arthur Blank’s new book goes on sale today. The suggested retail price is not $28.03. (Yes, I’ve been sitting on that one for months.)
20. Raiders (No. 22; 1-0): They won and they covered, but it feels like they did neither.
21. Bears (No. 25; 1-0): Mitch Trubisky pulled a rabbit out of his hat and/or some other orifice, staving off at least until October a potential benching.
22. Vikings (No. 13; 0-1): With so many big-money extensions being paid out to members of an organization that won a playoff game in 2019 and the pandemic keeping the home stadium empty until further notice, it already feels like a scholarship year in Minnesota.
23. Colts (No. 16; 0-1): Philip Rivers of old yields to an old Philip Rivers.
24. Washington (No. 32; 1-0): The WFT has provoked the good kind of WTF?!? reaction.
25. Dolphins (No. 26; 0-1): They had to go to New England and play the Patriots at some point; may as well get it out of the way in Week One.
26. Jets (No. 24; 0-1): The sooner the Jets pull the plug on the Le'Veon Bell experiment, the better off they’ll be.
27. Lions (No. 27; 0-1): Lions still do Lion-y things.
28. Jaguars (No. 31; 1-0): Gardner Minshew is becoming exactly what we thought Baker Mayfield would be.
29. Bengals (No. 28; 0-1): Joe Burrow may have gotten a win, if his kicker had been a donkey. (Yes, Gus was a mule, but you get the point.)
30. Giants (No. 29; 0-1): A double-digit loss is still a double-digit loss, even if it felt much closer than that.
31. Panthers (No. 30; 0-1): Matt Rhule is ready for prime time, even if it make take a while for the results to get his team there.
32. Browns (No. 18; 0-1): The Browns lost their way when they traded for OBJ. Their best move at this point would be to trade him elsewhere.