Mike Nolan has Tabasco malfunction during press conference

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The Cowboys’ defensive currently is incapable of figuratively putting any hot sauce on opposing offenses. So the next best thing, apparently, is for the team’s defensive coordinator to literally put some in his eye.

That’s happened when Mike Nolan met with reporters on Monday. He had to stop, because he got Tabasco sauce in his eye.

“He’s been active every week as far as, I think, disrupting the quarterback,” Nolan was telling reporters regarding defensive end DeMarcus Lawrence. “He’s escaped several times to do that. Obviously, the frustration for him as well is — look, when he misses them. Whoop, excuse me. I’ve got something in my eye. Just had some Tabasco on my finger and it went in my eye, that wasn’t good. Ugh. Terrible, jeeze. I’m sorry.”

And that was that.

Nolan later returned once he had fixed his eye.

If fixing the Dallas defense were only so easy.