Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Easterby

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In many respects, Jack Easterby’s plan to take control of an NFL franchise without possessing the objectively necessary skills and qualifications (in my opinion) is working. In many other respects, it isn’t.

Easterby surely hoped to parlay a smattering of fringe experiences and potentially embellished credentials into a position of significant power, influence, and salary with the Texans without anyone asking questions or noticing flaws in his climb. Although he has become the Texans executive V.P. of football operations (and still aspires, we’re told, to become a General Manager), he hoped to do it with far less scrutiny.

Since the media began taking a closer look at his background and management style, Easterby has kept his head low and his mouth shut. Last Friday’s press conference introducing new coach David Culley cried out for someone/anyone to explain how the relationship with quarterback Deshaun Watson cratered so quickly. The only two people present for questioning (Culley and G.M. Nick Caserio) didn’t know; they weren’t working for the Texans when things went sideways. Easterby was, which may be the main reason why he was nowhere to be seen.

On Twitter, he’s currently everywhere to be seen. Multiple clips have emerged in which Easterby, while preaching, tries his hand at standup comedy. Generally, comedy is hard. Easterby makes it look considerably harder than becoming the executive of V.P. of football operations of an NFL team without possessing the objectively necessary skills and qualifications.

Consider this clip, in which Easterby crams five different regions of the country into cartoonishly stereotypical boxes, complete with attempts to replicate the prevailing dialects of each specific place. It’s apparently supposed to be funny. We’ll let you decide whether it is.

Here’s another, in which he eventually claims that reliance on CliffsNotes got him through college. “Some of that’s not funny,” he says as the line falls flat, “but you’ll laugh later.”

He also sees significant potential material in the notion of Jesus walking on water, from whether Jesus paused to give a “shout out to the fish” to whether Jesus “crip walked on water.”

By taking the job he now holds, and by actively avoiding any scenario in which he’d have to answer fair questions about how he got there, Easterby opens the door to this kind of thing — especially with the prevailing sense that the Texans under his leadership have plunged into a state of dysfunction that few NFL teams ever see.

33 responses to “Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Easterby

  1. As a serious NFL fan, it would be too painful for me to watch the clips.

    Easterby, exit stage left please!

  2. And some people want to scream about Deshaun Watson’s leadership abilities. I shake my head. Watson is leaving Houston and Watts will be next and not just because he’s alphabetically next. Dumpster fire. Texans fans, you have my sympathy. It didn’t have to be this way.

  3. The guy is doing a fantastic job. He canned their problem coach. Hired a very good guy for the gm job. Got a new coach in. What more do you want him to do????

  4. Sounds like the Texans just got conned by a colorful snake oil salesman into handing over the keys to the kingdom. With this organization, not surprised at all…

  5. Things went sideways the nanosecond Deshaun Watson signed a 4 year, $156,000,000 contract. It was only then that he decided that he simply couldn’t take any more of the Texans.

  6. Still not sure how Easterby went from being the Pats in house chaplain to the position he has now.

    He has virtually no qualifications for it other than he probably said hello to Bill Belichick and Brady once in awhile while he was walking around the Gilette Stadium offices.

  7. Say what you will about Easterby, but he is perfect for the Texans, the most dysfunctional team in the NFL. Every week he digs them a deeper grave and ownership doesn’t care. Cake job!

  8. citizenstrange says:
    February 5, 2021 at 1:21 pm
    Things went sideways the nanosecond Deshaun Watson signed a 4 year, $156,000,000 contract. It was only then that he decided that he simply couldn’t take any more of the Texans.

    ——————————-———————————————————-

    A contract that he (Watson) negotiated with Easterby and O’Brien. I am all in for Easterby leaving the Texans but I don’t buy Watson’s attitude either. It’s all about the money IMO (new team, new contract)
    I can’t stand Easterby influence on the Texans but Watson

  9. That was some funny stuff talking about various fans in different regions of the country. I thought it humorous. Some folks need to lighten up.

  10. All-American Voltron says:
    February 5, 2021 at 1:20 pm
    Sounds like the Texans just got conned by a colorful snake oil salesman into handing over the keys to the kingdom. With this organization, not surprised at all…

    ——-

    I don’t know, I don’t think this guy could con a bunch of kindergarteners…does he have something on someone at the top? SMH

  11. Easterby, Fraud, on a LEGAL level. Man who is a bigger fool than McNair. You got TOOLED Sir. Time to SELL low…. How could you be fooled by such a FRAUD. One of two best QB’s in football GONE. Deshaun, RUN out of Houston. Oh And I am a Texan’s season ticket holder, EEEERRRRRRRR, WAS !!!!
    TY,
    Mike

  12. Dysfunctional owner delegates power and decisions to his pastor, who himself creates a disfunctional culture based on his own despotic need for power and control. What could possibly go wrong here?

  13. You know what, just give me the keys to the franchise. By default I know I’ll at least get you to 6-10

    Texans fans, you have our sympathies.

  14. Painful to watch. Truly cringeworthy. Incredible that Franchises worth $billions are entrusted to unqualified, lying buffoons like Jack Easterby and Howie Roseman.

  15. HagemeisterPark says:
    February 5, 2021 at 1:15 pm
    The guy is doing a fantastic job. He canned their problem coach. Hired a very good guy for the gm job. Got a new coach in. What more do you want him to do????

    You mean he fired the coach, who was the one who hired Easterby in the first place, and elevated Easterby from team Chaplin (or whatever his previous title was) to a position of power where he could manipulate, intimidate, and cajole people into making him the lone survivor on a sinking ship. Never underestimate a person’s survival instincts. Especially when they are as well versed in intimidation and manipulation as Easterby is. I’m sure he has the owner convinced he is the one person sent by a higher power to help him.

  16. He should’ve taken the Costanza or Schrute route, nobody would really question the assistant to the regional manager or assistant to the traveling secretary titles.

  17. I’m hoping that Watson didn’t really know about this guy until after he signed that contract. He probably wanted Watson to start attending services on a regular basis or something. I don’t know, but I think the whole thing about having input on a coach is only a small part of why Watson wants out.

  18. He didn’t pioneer the path of outkicking his coverage for a role exceeding his competency at anything. That was done by Goodell years ago.

  19. This is all because of religion in the workplace. Cal McNair hired this man and listens to him because their relate to each other through “christian faith.” They’re praying in the offices, they’re praying on major decisions in the football operations, and David Culley, surprise!, is associated with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. This is some serious weirdness, and some of the stuff they’re doing in the workplace would probably violate federal law. Players also believe Easterby has put them under surveillance outside of the facility and stadium. Would you want to work under those conditions? Especially considering the man running the show has no experience, completely ignored your input and wishes after they told you they would consider it, and is possibly surveilling you and your teammates in their private life? Even if that last part is not true, the fact that the players believe that it is happening, or even possible, should tell you all you need to know about this organization. If I was a player or agent, I would be doing everything I could to avoid signing with the Texans in FA and being drafted by them.

  20. stephanebonics says:
    February 5, 2021 at 4:44 pm
    This is all because of religion in the workplace. Cal McNair hired this man and listens to him because their relate to each other through “christian faith.
    ====================
    Tom Landry was a devote Christian. Didn’t seem to hurt the Cowboys!

  21. If I was a Texans fan, I’m not sure if I’d be more concerned about Easterby’s general lack of experience and competence or the fact that a guy who wears christianity on his sleeve would be engaging in the corporate back-stabbing that has leaked out in various reports.

  22. I worry this pursuit of yours to take down Jack Easterby will eventually turn you into Frank Grimes trying to show everyone how incompetent Homer Simpson is.

    If the Texans ownership likes this guy for whatever reason, then so be it. If he truly is this despicable human being you say he is, then he will eventually make a mistake big enough to cost him his job.

  23. dualprime says:
    February 5, 2021 at 5:40 pm

    Tom Landry was a devote Christian. Didn’t seem to hurt the Cowboys!

    That was a different time. And were they doing prayer circles in the front office? Were they praying when deciding to make major trades or draft picks or personnel decisions? Was the GM hiring a head coach largely because he is a fellow christian who will do his bidding?

  24. You know how people are discussing whether Belichick or Brady was the cause of all that winning in New England? It was neither: it was Bob Kraft. Without a good owner, you’re sunk. Now look at the Texans and check out their owner. This team will never be a winner.

  25. Was he just hired last year? Because the Texans were 1 half of football from the AFC Championship last year.

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